Dear Biological Father,
I appreciate all of your calls and emails from afar. However, seeing as how I haven't answered or responded in well over 6 months, I would think that you would have gotten the point by now. But worry not, we will be seeing each other soon. A lot sooner than you realize, and in a not so cozy setting.
(Insert Evil Laughter Here), Your Biological Daughter
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Dear Pullo,
The big large bed that you like to sleep in belongs to me. This is my domain. I will share my bed with you so that I may cuddle up next to you anytime. Keep this in mind the next time you growl at me because I accidentally touched you or woke you up because your ass is getting kicked off the bed.
Grrrrrrrrrrr, Mommy
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Dear Mother Nature,
I just wanted to say thank you for making this summer somewhat tolerable. The heat has been bearable for the most part and I think we have even had a few days where the humidity was actually less the 80%! Now, if you would just do something about these mosquitoes and sand gnats, I would be eternally grateful.
Sincerely, Mitzy
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Dear Miley,
I know this may sound a bit selfish, but I would love it if you could hurry up filming your movie and leave now. I'd like to be able to go out to Tybee without the fear of being trampled on by a flock of tweens trying to hunt you down. I appreciate that you have encouraged tourism (and by tourism I mean your stalkers following you) which in turn will help the economy in Savannah. However, my friends and I are over due for a beach day.
Impatiently, Mitzy
